“Rather be someone’s shot of whiskey than everyone’s cup of tea.”
Why do I love this quote so much?
It speaks to the shitty quality of this week, mostly due to the fact that I have been mainlining hot tea since Sunday night. I think frat star and I are still good, my big AND twin have somehow come to the conclusion that I am going to drop all morals and character that I have built up for myself, I have to go back to the DREADED apartment that frat star and I got kicked out of and likely will be stuck seeing the bitch that sent me out the door. OH and my alcohol supply has run painfully low.
I foresee me skipping the mixer in my motorcycle outfit and cuddling up with frat star, complaining of the unnecessary cattiness of my sorority family.
Back to the quote. I am ready to be with someone who absolutely needs me. I drive them crazy, in the best way. I want to be needed.
I’m not looking to be lukewarm, sweetened, and watered down for any and everyone’s taste.
I don’t want to be handled gingerly, pinkies out, placed lightly on a coaster. Rather, I want to be quickly poured, haphazardly splashed over the side, tossed down, and enjoyed as every inch of the burn slips down their throat.
I understand the creepiness of this metaphor.
What I am trying so verbosely to say is that I want to be taken seriously in all aspects of my life. I am sick of being the tea. No one fights for the tea. The kind of people who are looking for tea aren’t the kind of people I want to want me. I want the person who wants the whiskey. I want to be the spirit, and I want to be with the spirited person.
I refuse to be the tea.
I have tried and tried to be the tea with these people. But when I think I have found my whiskey drinker, I will not water myself down to appease them.
I did not anticipate this post getting so heated. Sorry guys. If I die tomorrow, someone probs killed me from that apartment. This sounds like something that someone one csi would read out from a victim’s computer.
On that note, I should probably get to sleep.
Well happy 2014 people!
My life has gone up, down, sideways, around and somehow land where I am. I am happily dating frat star, happily stressed with my classes, and happily busy with sorority life.
I do have one qualm. Frat star has a job offer in Indiana. He has to decide whether he is taking it by Monday. I literally am so stressed about this. It’s so selfish of me, but I want him to stay here. He has plenty offers here.
I’ll post what he decided on Monday, or Tuesday, if I’m not depressed.
There is just something about being home that makes me pick up a pencil and paper.
I really don’t love this piece, but I thought I would share a little bit of my passion with all like 16 of my lovely followers.
My favorite things to draw are eyes. I don’t believe that they are a window to the soul, however I think they are beautifully expressive.
I don’t have to know what in your soul to know how you are feeling in that moment. Eyes capture a moment and can say a lot more than your mouth.
What just happened.
So again, COUNTRY BOY, invited me over to their apartment to hang out and party for a bit. Frat star mentioned it to me originally, but he wouldn’t actually say come over. So I head on over there, my hipster flask and crystal light in hand. It is the ladies from the room 1635, frat star’s and country boy’s ginger roommate and his girlfriend, and one of their friends.
So frat star is pretty star spangled hammered, and he is getting his moves on, he actually, unfortunately, can twerk better than me. So he also has no filter at this point. He pulls me aside, asks if I really want to know what I asked the night that I was staying in blackout city. Of course I said yes, the suspense had been killing me all week, and then he tells me.
“You wanted to know if I actually liked you and what we were doing. Now I could answer that question, but honestly, I think you are more interested in country boy.”
So I try and say that while country boy is a really nice guy, I am not interested, and that I liked him, I just want someone to actually communicate with me. Naturally, I say I want communication and he isn’t listening to a damn word. He has it so stuck in his head that I am interested in country boy.
We reenter party, country boy goes off to steal a sign (they have all sorts of signs all around their apartment), and this leaves us with ginger’s friend, frat star, myself, and one of the girls from 1635, I shall name her twerky (quirky and excessively twerks). Well frat star and twerky have always been flirty, so of course they have to fight in front of me. Eventually that subsides and frat star makes a few more snarky ass comments about country boy. Eventually frat star lassos (invisible lasso) me over to him and finally does it.
It was only for a few moments, but it was sweet. Of course, the other two were like four steps away, so that was awkward, but it was worth the kiss.
NIght progresses, shots are had, all is good in the world. It gets to be around 3 am, frat star starts panicking about his mom coming over the next day and none of his laundry being done. So twerky and I started helping him get it done. I go to the laundry room, another perfect kiss.
At this point, I am ready for all of these other people to get the hell out.
But they don’t. Twerky looses her keys and we all look for them for like a solid forty five minutes.
This is where things get blurred.
I walk into the bedroom and I THINK I see twerky kiss frat star.
The ginger’s friend thinks he saw it too, but I really was not 100%. She leaves and I look at frat star, and he goes, “she got my cheek.”
This was enough for me to send myself to the couch. Which ginger’s friend was a little too pushy in his attempt to be a gentleman and have me sleep on the spare bed, instead.
I get a text from frat star. “Come here.”
I eventually go to talk to him, and he says that she went to actually kiss him and he turned his head, which is what I saw. He goes on to ask if she was the one that he wanted, why wouldn’t he have just asked her to stay. As it was four in the morning, I accepted this as good enough reasoning, his bed is a lot more comfortable than the couch, and I went to sleep.
Or at least attempted to with his constant asking of me not to be mad over nothing.
Woke up this morning, around 8:45, turn off my first alarm, I had two more set for 9:15 and 9:30. I was not about to meet his mom by rolling out of bed, even if we didn’t do anything. Which we hadn’t.
At that point.
So I get back in bed, we cuddle for a bit, he kisses my neck and fun ensues.
Through the duration of this fun time (a grand total of like 3 hours with on and off dozing), he came up with a few conclusions.
A: I am a tease
B: I am a virgin
C: I am very good at getting myself in trouble, mostly due to A and B.
I think my favorite was that if he tried anything I wasn’t okay with that he knew I would beat the shit out of him. Oh and I have the perfect butt. Duh. I feel like that one was pretty obvious. *hair flip*
Got to give him credit for being spot on.
“You are the poster child for freshman.”
I am not going to see him until 2014.
Let’s see how this one plays out.
I have been procrastinating packing to go home during this entire post. I really do not want to go back.
I woke up this morning to my really close friend calling me to get on our school’s website for nursing. The header above is what I saw.
Which left me speechless for a moment. I was in a perfect bubble. I have an amazing sorority, amazing group of friends, and an amazing family. This amazing bubble was destroyed with that one header.
I would have to leave.
Leave my sorority, my sisters, my support. Leave my school, which has already provided me with such incredible opportunities within this first semester. And finally, I would have to start over,
I hate change.
Before I could let my world come crashing down, I wasn’t going to let my dear friend catch the worst of it. So I told her I would text her later, and I called my mom.
And oh how fast the damns broke down. I went from having everything, to starting from square one.
I know going to another school for nursing is a possibility. But hearing that they were not going to even have the program, forcing my hand to actually leave, killed me. It showed to me just how much I love my school.
As I am bawling my eyes out, I take a moment to see if my friend had texted me any more.
Yeah. It wasn’t my program.
Excuse me as I mop up the rivers of mascara that have stained my face.
As my mom so tactfully put it, my panic attack just goes to show just how much I want this.
So nursing school is still on. Hopefully I don’t have to move schools. I love my university. It’s perfect. Don’t make me leave.
I am going to go try and regulate my breathing now.
I think I am going to have to make a big girl decision here. While my initial attraction was and still is to frat star, the person who is sweet and is going to treat me right is country boy.
How did I come to this conclusion?
Well, I attended another anon party in which, country boy, frat star, and obviously country boy’s little, all are a part of. Of course, netflix guy, from over two months ago now was also there, go figure, I have my type of frat boy, which added a hint of awkward to all of the chaos.
And chaos it was.
I went with my roommate and two other GDI’s who were pretty fun, despite their lack of letters. We all hang out at the makeshift house (my school does not yet have on campus housing) and the four of us are pretty much chatting within ourselves. One of my roommate’s newest love interests came up to us and started small talking, which encouraged more people becoming our friend.
After my borderline needy texting for country boy to get over to the house and hang out so I could actually hang out with a brother, he and his little finally show up. So I talk with them for a good bit, ask why frat star is not with them.
“Oh he went out with some girl and got back and is now just chilling in his room.”
OH GOOD, that’s exactly what I wanted to hear. I somehow play my disappointment off with some grace, enough for these drunk fellows not to notice, play beer pong with the little, we somehow win, and play again. Our opponent was actually a guy who I thought was pretty cute from my psychology class, so I took the time to get my flirt on with him. Made me feel a bit better. He said I looked cute. Hey, thanks. Not who I wanted to hear sweet things from, but I will take what I can get with a smile. While I would love to pursue that, I need to learn to pace myself.
I pretty much hung with country boy the whole night, and he is a trip. He is utterly ridiculous, in a funny, yet more than slightly immature way. I guess I have flirted enough with him to where he felt like being around me the whole night. He put his arm around my waist, introduced me to people, it was all fun. Roommate wants me to go on winter retreat so badly she probably has him convinced to ask me.
I’ll say yes. I just don’t know if I can handle dating such a goofball. Like, I am all for someone with a sense of humor, I just have to be able to take my significant other seriously.
Not to mention, I am really bummed about frat star not working out. I want some closure to all of that pent up sexual tension between us that we had going on. If I elect to give country boy a chance, I will still be at the apartment all the time with the two of them. I got to have my ducks in a row.
That’s all I can really process right now. I might send some more fun thoughts y’all’s way tomorrow. I need to return frat star’s stuff eventually.
My oh my what a night.
So I have been chatting with both frat star and country boy (formerly known as frat stars roommate) and country boy invited me over to hang out with everyone, i.e. him, his little, frat star, and my neighbor. I was in the absolute worst study session of my life, so going over there and drinking some of my bottle of wine sounded like a great idea.
It was something alright.
I go over there, neighbor is almost done with her bottle of wine, so naturally I have to catch up. (just as a precursor, neighbor is in love with country boy’s little) I see frat star sitting in the corner on his laptop, neighbor, country boy, and his little are all in the living room. Frat star looked a little miffed in the corner, so I went over to talk with him for a bit. He was trying to create a new server for minecraft (I have a special place in my heart for nerds, sue me), and couldn’t figure it out.
So we are all hanging out, the boys (nix frat star) decided to go get more alcohol, so they all leave, bringing neighbor along with them. I go back to sit with frat star and watch him attempt to code. He finally just gives up, we talk for a bit, and then we do our usual play fighting. Play fighting might be my favorite thing in the world. I am just fiesty like that. So we are doing that, flirting, all is well, and then everyone gets back.
And here is where I go from happily fuzzy to rookie.
Everyone starts to get into drinking, I get double paddled (country boy got a good punch for that), I get “rodeo’d” whatever the hell that means, by frat star, and then I promptly get sick in the bushes.
But wait, the puking doesn’t stop there!
I end up in the bathroom for the majority of the rest of the night, in all of frat star’s clothes (can’t drink in letters, another rookie mistake) bitching at everyone who tried to help me.
Needless to say, this is the low point of the night.
I eventually come to, in frat star’s bed, in frat star’s clothes, next to a very shirtless frat star.
I do a little one over, see that nothing noticeable happened, and I decide to just roll over and get some sleep. Around six am, I woke up again: very, very, sober. I get up to go get water and I hear behind me “insert my name here because I am staying anon”. I think he thought I was leaving, so I say I am going to get water, and I come right back in.
Lay back down in bed, we talked for a bit, but I got tired again. So I say as much, go to roll over, and I feel his arms wrap around me.
So he CAN actually make a move.
I get to do my second favorite thing in the world to do behind play fighting, cuddle, and I drift off to sleep. Of course I can’t stay asleep, so I just lay there, pretty damn relaxed.
Wake up again around 9 to frat star looking at me, whispering “inserting my name into here again”. We ended up laying there for like two hours. I got a back rub, got to cuddle some more, and I’m sure I fell asleep a few times. It was pretty cute.
Just to clarify as I am in such close proximity with frat star, I brushed my teeth and used mouthwash the first time I woke up. No one wants to cuddle with someone with post party foul breath.
Now with all of this cuteness, and with him being older and KNOWN for his promiscuity, one would think he would have actually kissed me.
No such luck.
Literally, we had like 10 of those super cute, staring into each other’s eyes type moments.
I ended up hanging out with everyone until three today. Still nothing. He even put his arm around me while we were all watching tv. No kiss though.
Oh, and the stories I heard about myself were pretty good. I’m a dumbass, its okay guys. I can make fun of myself.
With Christmas break coming up, I am more than a little curious if he makes an ACTUAL MOVE. Like maybe, actually kissing me. So dumb. I will keep yall posted.
I needed to vent. Other than that little bit, he was really cute.
I am really not that hard to please.
It has been a rainy, miserable week in Georgia, and I want to cuddle up, watch movies, and wrap myself up in the warm blanket of alcohol. Newest boy, has been pursuing me ALL week (he’s another story in itself, might go into that), but when it comes down to us hanging out this weekend, he falls off the face of the planet.
Now this, lack of communication (of course), is the bane of my existence. Literally, the fact that people still don’t know how to use their words and actually talk to one another might be my least favorite thing in the world.
And it’s not like I am simply being judgmental and needy of this poor innocent guy. He is four years older than me, has been with his share (and a few extra shares) of girls , including my sisters, and is a frat star. Not to mention he is graduating in May.
I am not naive. I have have kept him at arm’s length since I have met him. However, I do believe that everyone deserves a chance. So I have no issue talking with him. He has been a total gentleman, and he actually hadn’t made a move in the three times we had hung out. This includes us watching netflix by ourselves for like two hours.
So when I went to one of my sister’s parties who lives in his building, I wasn’t surprised to see him and his roommate, both are great guys who I like talking to. Well, I went about enjoying myself at said party, kicked ass at beer pong, sang along with all the songs, and held conversation with any and everyone. I am a social person, bite me.
Well frat star (official codename for newest boy) had a solid head start on me in the drinking department. So by the time I got there, the boy was a bottle of champagne and wine deep. (On that note, I got to pop bottles, so much fun, shaking foam everywhere and all)
Sorry, not the point.
Well he was a bit obvious in his flirting, which usually I would be fine with, I just wasn’t sure where things were standing, and I am still playing hard to get. I wasn’t about to follow him around the apartment, hanging on to his every word. He actually came to me most of the night (including picking me up and moving me from the pong table, hot damn I am weak for a strong guy). His chasing me was a nice change of events compared to most of my relationships.
I actually talked with his roommate for most of the night, he is just a funny dude. I think that may have left frat star a smidge jealous. Whoops. I guess it didn’t help when another guy from the building showed up and was flirting with everyone (myself included).
Apparently I flirted enough with frat star, frat star’s roommate, and dude who lives in their building for everyone to question if I was into any of them. One sister asked if I was into frat star, another sister asked if I was into frat star’s roommate and then the roommate asked if I was into the dude in their building. Have mercy, just because I can hold a conversation does NOT mean I want the person I am talking to. I literally just have more fun talking with guys than girls. Stupid competitive spirit.
Frat star actually got a bit snarky at one point of the night and asked what floor I was going to stay on (He lives on the first, random guy lives on the second, and my sister lives on the third, where I stayed mind you).
Like I said all the way at the beginning of this point, frat star is pretty damn fratty. I am not about to go down that road if I am about to be used. No thanks. So, what threw me off that night is when he looked me dead in the eye, said he wanted to make this real (whatever the hell that means when you haven’t even been on a real date) and that he wanted to kiss me.
While I am interested, I wasn’t about to have that be our first time stepping things up, so I said not tonight, he agreed, and we moved on for the night. Of course he asked me like three times to stay downstairs, he understood I wasn’t about to leave.
So after hearing ALL OF THIS… please tell me why he magically has fallen off the planet. Like he is alive, he opens everyone’s snapchats, but no responses, no replies to texts, nothing. Its not just to me, which is what I originally thought. He is ignoring everyone. We were supposed to watch Olympus has fallen yesterday night. Didn’t hear anything about it.
So here I am, writing out my thoughts, hopefully it will bring me some relief. I want to give him a chance, I feel really comfortable around him, but I am not about to waste time on someone with wishy washy feelings.
Be a man or be a boy somewhere else.
Welcome to December, friends.
In the short span of 365 days, I have gone from an overachieving high school senior, to a fairly laid back, confident, freshman. Talk about a fresh start.
I have been remarkably busy with academics over the past few weeks and some family matters, but now its time to get down to business.
Finals week is upon us.
I have four finals, a personal statement, and an additional test or two to complete within a week and a half. After a semester of figuring out my best study habits (light drinking is included and a serious plus) I have come to a few conclusions:
I can drink a little when I am trying to start an assignment, just not continuously. While it starts as something to stop me from getting distracted, it becomes the distraction itself.
I love my rap and darker music, however, I have to listen to country music to be able to do homework. Anything else will distract me. A side note, after a ten hour car ride with my family, I can’t bring myself to listen to country without wanting to beat my own head against a wall.
Coffee doesn’t affect me anymore, however, the illusion that it should is a nice motivator. And the fact I love the taste of coffee.
I will never, ever, not procrastinate, so I just have to prioritize my laziness.
Finally: my mind is like a child with ADHD, easily distracted. If I blog before I try and do homework, I usually can work for a longer amount of time.
I have a chemistry test in six hours, I am going to get to work.